Where My Demons Hide
by awesomesauce101
Summary: Canon-AU: Merlin is captured by Morgana after she ambushes Arthur and the knights during a hunting trip. Uther forbids Arthur to search for him and three years pass before they meet again, only this time Merlin is serving a different master.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Merlin goes missing when he, Arthur, and the knights are ambushed by Morgana's men. After an initial search, Uther forbids Arthur to search for Merlin any more, since he has other duties to attend to. Three years later, after Uther has passed away and Arthur's become king, he and Merlin meet again. Only this time Merlin is under Morgana's service and Arthur is the only one who can break him free from her grasp. **

**AN: So, canon-AU and this actually kind of came to me in a dream as incredibly lame and cliche as it sounds. So I just tweaked some bits and boom, story time. This is a Merlin/Arthur story, to let you guys know and it's a bit (a lot) angsty but there's a happy and sappy ending to make up for it. Hope you guys like :D **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title comes from the song Demons by Imagine Dragons, but it's not a song fic.**

* * *

After years of going on hunting trips with the knights and Arthur, one would think that Merlin would complain less. But of course, that is not the case and the prince and his servant are back at their bickering over 'murdering small woodland creatures' as Merlin so words it. Despite their arguing, the group is having fun hunting deer and competing to see who can catch the most game. And Merlin may roll his eyes every time Arthur whoops to the sky in victory after a kill, but he cannot help but smile at their camaraderie.

They're too busy chattering amongst themselves to notice the dark shape that skirts along the edges of the forest, watching them with ill intent. And suddenly, the knights, Arthur, and Merlin are all thrown from their horses by an invisible force that can be none other than Morgana.

Her men emerge from the forest shouting battle cries and clashing swords with the knights. And Arthur is far too focused on surviving and cutting down as many of the enemy soldiers as he can to notice that someone has gone missing from their group.

The battle doesn't last long before Morgana calls for a retreat and Arthur has not even lost any of his knights in the fight. She smiles wickedly at them and waves goodbye.

"We'll meet again brother dear," she says before she follows her men to safety.

Arthur and his knights know that chasing after her would only be a suicide mission, because she is still a powerful sorceress who could fell them all with a glance. The best thing they can do is ride back to Camelot and prepare for a possible siege attempt from the witch.

He only realizes, halfway back to Camelot, that Merlin is being uncharacteristically quiet and he turns around to make a comment about it, but the servant is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Merlin?" he asks.

The knights only look around as though his absence is new to them as well. Arthur tries to quash the panic welling up in him, because Merlin had been there before Morgana attacked and now he's gone. As much as he may want to, he can't stay behind and search for him, because he needs to talk to Uther. So he separates their group and tells some of his knights to search for him while his group heads back to the castle.

The whole ride back this feeling of dread sits like a stone in his stomach. For once, he hopes that Merlin was just being his clumsy self and tripped over a tree root in an attempt to get away from the battle. But Arthur knows Merlin better than to run away, especially when Arthur could be in danger, and the only plausible conclusion he can come up with is that Morgana has him. It's something that troubles him even after he gets back to the castle and speaks with Uther about Morgana's possible attack.

As the two sit and discuss possible defensive and offensive strategies, the door opens and the knights that Arthur had searching for Merlin walk in. The fact that the servant is not with them does nothing to quell the fear bubbling in Arthur's chest.

"Did you find anything?" he asks.

They shake their heads.

"There was no sign of him anywhere," one of them says.

"Except for this," the other holds up something Arthur would recognize anywhere. Merlin's ridiculous neckerchief.

"Then look again. He has to be out there," he tells them.

They bow and start to leave but their departure is stopped by Uther.

"Actually, you are needed here in the castle. Morgana may attack at any moment and we cannot have half of our knights leave the castle for something as trivial as a serving boy," he tells them. "Round up the others and strengthen the guard around the castle,"

The two knights nod and exchange an apologetic look with Arthur before they leave. Arthur looks at his father with disbelief, barely able to stop the anger as it rises to the surface.

"Father, Merlin is still out there. I cannot leave him behind," he insists.

"I understand you've grown fond of the boy, Arthur. But he is a servant and is replaceable. I have a kingdom to defend and I can't use our resources to search for a servant when Morgana threatens the safety of our people,"

"But-,"

"My decision on this is final. You are to remain here and help ready the knights. Am I understood?"

Arthur bites his lip to refrain from saying something he might regret. Eventually, he says, "Yes, my lord,"

* * *

**Yay, first chapter/prologue thingy done! I originally typed the whole thing on one document but decided to cut it into chapters.**

** Anyways I finally finished Merlin so I had to write something with a happy ending to distract myself from the sad ending that actually happened. I really wish they hadn't cancelled it or ended it because that was not right. How is Merlin a family friendly (according to Netflix) show when it causes people all these sad feels?! I guess the BBC's idea of 'family friendly' just means that they love causing emotional pain. Like seriously, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Merlin, all of those shows just reduce people to a puddle of feels and sadness eventually. Sigh.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Three Years Later**_

While today should be one for happiness and celebration, Arthur cannot find it in himself to wholly participate in the festivities. It is the third anniversary of his coronation and while the people ring in another year celebrating their king, it is only a reminder of what Arthur has lost. For Arthur, today marks the third anniversary of his father's death day and the third year that has passed without Merlin's obnoxious voice echoing down the corridors.

That day, it seems so long ago now, had not resulted in any attack from Morgana's side. Uther had been suspicious, but after days and days of inactivity, he finally slightly lowered the guard. In the end, it had not been her that had taken Uther's life, but Death himself. Old age and stress had finally caught up with the late king and he passed away in his sleep, much to the surprise of the people.

While most of the morning hours had been spent grieving, the rest of the day was spent in good cheer as the people rejoiced at the sight of Arthur on the throne. He can remember that day as though it were yesterday, because out of all the loud cheering, it was the deafening silence at his side that bothered him.

With his new position and his new responsibilities, he knew that he could not spare time to send out search parties for a servant that had been missing for three consecutive weeks. If Merlin had not returned now, then he would not any time soon. Arthur had done his grieving and all but a small part of him had already moved on.

Today, with the smell of delicious food and drink permeating the air, the people are oblivious to the sadness that still sits with their king. While Arthur may put on a brave face for his friends and foes, he can't help feeling this inherent loneliness that has wormed its way into his heart. And not for the first time, he wonders what happened to Merlin. Whether he was kidnapped and murdered by Morgana, or perhaps he really did run away and is settled down in some small farming village miles away from here. The not knowing bothers him more than it should. Despite the cowardliness of the act, he cannot help but hope it was the latter, because imagining Merlin at the hands of Morgana, helpless and in pain, wondering why Arthur hasn't come to rescue him is too painful to bear.

He scowls into his goblet, thinking that maybe if he drinks enough he'll forget all about Merlin with his bright eyes and pale skin and dark hair. But he hasn't even raised the cup to his lips when the doors burst open and the torches lining the walls go out, leaving a chill in the previously cheery air.

People gasp and there's the sound of swords being unsheathed. Arthur goes for his own and stands from his seat at the head of the table. He wonders what happened to those standing guard outside the door and his question is answered when they are dragged in and laid at everyone's feet, dead by Morgana's hand. The witch smiles at her audience as though this is a normal occurance.

"You're holding a party and no one invited me?" she asks innocently.

There are murmured whispers. People wondering how she got in, where they should go and what she's planning on doing this time. No one moves, no one dares to when Morgana is watching them all with a keen eye.

Arthur is the one who finally steps forward, coming face to face with his sister and wishing that he could have seen this coming in time to save her.

"What do you want Morgana?" he asks tiredly, because he is tired of all of it. Of the constant battle against her, of the lies and never-ending betrayal, of trying to get her to see sense when she is clearly too far gone.

"What I've always wanted. The throne, seeing as how it's rightfully mine," she says.

"And you think I'm just going to hand the crown over to you?"

"No, you won't hand it over to me, you're right. But there was always one person you had a weak spot for, wasn't there Arthur? One person who you would do anything for?"

That feeling of dread is back again, gnawing away at his insides. "What are you talking about?" he asks. He wonders who she's talking about. Guinevere? But no, she is standing at Sir Leon's side, watching Morgana intently and with sadness in her eyes. Maybe Gaius, since he has always felt indebted to him ever since he lost Merlin so long ago. But he is in the room as well, with Percival and Gwaine standing in front of him, swords drawn.

"I would introduce you, but you've already met," she says. She stands to the side and the one person that Arthur thought he'd never see again, never get to hear his voice again, takes her place.

"Hello Arthur," Merlin greets.

He wants to cry in relief, because Merlin is alive. After all this time, he's just fine. Except that he's not. Not really, because all the life and happiness and brightness is gone from his eyes. There is only the faintest hint of recognition in Merlin's eyes at the sight of Arthur. This blank, emotionless look on his face is something he's never seen before, never wanted to see in the first place. This Merlin, without his big doofy grin or happy hopeful eyes, is a complete stranger to Arthur.

"Aren't you going to say hello, Arthur? After all this time and you finally meet again, you don't even say hello to your best friend?"

"What did you do to him?" he asks.

"Whatever do you mean, brother? Merlin serves me of his own free will. I have not enchanted him or done anything other than accept him for who he is, and that is magic. Merlin, you see, is a sorceror,"

"What?"

"Show him, Merlin," she instructs.

Arthur watches as Merlin's eyes turn a molten gold color and the torches on the walls flare back to life without even a word from him. He doesn't know if the magic is a development from Merlin's imprisonment, because Morgana will never convince him that Merlin willingly sided with her, or if he has always had it. But either way, the show of sorcery has frightened the people in the room and they huddle closer together, hiding behind the knights, who are watching the scene and ready to jump into action.

"I told you Arthur. Merlin is a sorceror and now you see it with your own eyes. How does it feel, hm? To know that your servant, your friend that you've known for years was hiding magic right in the very heart of Camelot? To know that he has lied to your face every day by not revealing his true nature?"

He wants to be angry with Merlin, because in a way, Morgana is right. Sorcery is still a crime and Merlin has had it all along. And more than just that, he lied to Arthur about it. Part of him still can't believe that his once clumsy and incompetent servant is actually a sorceror. But the proof is there, flickering in front of his eyes in the way Merlin's eyes slowly turn back to their blue color. And yet, despite all of that, he can't be angry with him. Not when he would have done the same. Not when he's staring back into those blank eyes that will haunt him in the days to come.

Morgana watches him, waiting for a response, to know that she has devastated him with her revelation about his beloved servant and she grins when he doesn't reply, taking his silence as an answer all on its own.

"Merlin," she starts. The warlock turns to look at her, awaiting orders like an obedient pup. "Restrain him. I want to see him squirm while I obliterate all his precious subjects,"

Her command spurs the knights into action and they take a battle formation, with Leon leading. Some of them try to escort the others to safety by way of the back exit, but she seals the door shut before they have a chance. Arthur feels magic binding his body and he's completely powerless as he watches Morgana stride into the room like she owns it, smiling when she successfully deflects each of the knights' attacks like it's child's play.

"Let me go," he says, struggling against his invisible chains. He doesn't get an answer and Merlin stands silently to his side, watching his mistress's every move with rapt attention. It sickens Arthur to see how far the corruption Morgana has wreaked on him has gone and he has to get through to him, even if it's the last thing he'll do in this lifetime. Because if Merlin is as powerful as Morgana claims him to be, then once he comes to his senses, she'll be no match for him.

"Merlin, you clotpole, let go of me or I'll have you thrown in the stocks for forever," he attempts their old ways of bantering back and forth whenever Merlin would say something insubordinate. The sorceror doesn't even spare him a glance. Arthur tries threatening him and even yells at him when the chaos of the room and the cries of his fallen comrades gets to be too much. He hates this, hates being so helpless as he watches his friends fall and his most trusted and loyal servant fall deeper into Morgana's invisible clutches.

"Merlin, _please_," he begs. And for once he doesn't care if Morgana hears his pleading, because he just wants it all to stop. "Please, just stop this. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. This isn't you. These are your friends and you're hurting them. Please, stop,"

And finally, _finally_, some hint of recognition shows in those eyes and the bonds loosen just the tiniest bit.

"Arthur?" Merlin's voice is clear despite all the chaos happening around him.

"Yeah, it's me," Arthur breathes, seizing the opportunity to get through to Merlin. "You idiot, I knew you could hear me. Now let me go. We can stop her together but you have to help me,"

"You're not mad? That I have magic? That I lied to you?"

"I don't care about that right now. I only care about you. This can all stop, but you have to fight her, you have to-,"

"Merlin, I thought I told you to restrain him. Don't slack off," Morgana snaps when she sees them talking. The magic restraints binding him tighten, so much so that he can't breath and his vision starts to go dark. Does Morgana intend on suffocating him here in front of everyone?

"Morgana, is it really necessary to do this?" Merlin asks, his voice far away.

"He's been on my throne for far too long. Besides, I thought you wanted to see a world where magic can be practiced freely. Where we can use our powers without being persecuted for who we are,"

"I do, but-,"

"Then we have no use for a Pendragon. As long as he lives, he will continue to execute our kind without mercy,"

Merlin's silence lasts an eternity. "Yes, my lady,"

"Merlin," Arthur gasps. "Please, don't do this,"

"I'm sorry, Arthur," he says in that way that means he's about to do something incredibly, stupidly, brave.

Morgana's cry echoes in his head and suddenly he can breath again. His vision clears and he takes in the sight before him with near disbelief. Morgana is recovering from where she was flung across the room, clearly bewildered by this change in events. Merlin's eyes are the same gold color and this time, they've flared to life again, burning with anger and sadness and guilt.

"Traitor!" she shrieks at him. "I trusted you! We were going to rule this land together. We could have been free, Merlin. We could have had everything we wanted and more. And you're going to throw it all away for a man who regards us as dirt under his feet?"

Merlin wavers and Arthur can see Morgana is trying to take back control. And he can't allow that. He can't lose him to her again. She sees the doubt she's planted in his mind and exploits it.

"That's right, Merlin. Don't you remember? All the times Arthur said magic was evil, all the times he and his father condemned someone to death because of who they were, that won't change. Even if he says it will. He's lying to you. He doesn't care about you, about our kind. He's just like his father, he wants to rid this world of magic. But we cannot let him do that. We have to fight for our freedom, for our right to live in this land without fear!"

"Don't listen to her! She's just using you to get what she wants. Once she has the throne, she'll kill you. Someone as powerful as you? You'd only get in her way, you'd threaten her power. Merlin, you've known me for so long, you know that she's wrong. I'm not like Uther. I can change all of this, but you have to give me a chance!"

He can see the battle waging itself in Merlin's mind and he needs to win. He needs to convince Merlin that he cares about him, that he can change things for the better. Most importantly, he needs to show Merlin that he can trust him, because clearly he didn't before, not enough to tell him about his magic.

The magical chains are all but gone now, so he stands up and looks Merlin straight in the eyes. It's now or never. He has to get Merlin to believe him, to trust him. He moves without thought for the people watching, cupping Merlin's face in his hands and kissing him.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," he whispers when he pulls away. "I'm sorry I let this happen to you. I should never have left you in the forest all those years ago,"

"Arthur, I," Merlin starts, at a loss of what to say. There are so many things that he wants to apologize to Arthur for. For lying, for having magic, for Morgana, but Arthur already seems to know what he's thinking.

"I know, but it doesn't matter to me. You're the most important person in the world to me and I can't lose you to her,"

The doubt vanishes from Merlin's face and he smiles, bright and happy like he always does and he moves away from Arthur to face Morgana, who's staring at them with loathing.

"And what, Merlin? You think just because of a kiss and a few whispered words that Arthur will make good on whatever he promises?"

"Yes, I do. Arthur is a better ruler than you could ever hope to be. I may have been stupid enough to let you break me Morgana, but you can rest assured that it won't happen again," he says. Merlin utters a spell and his eyes flash gold. Morgana lets out a cry as she gets thrown across the room, hitting her head hard on the cement walls before falling to the floor.

There's a mixture of relief and newfound panic in the room as the people look between Merlin and Morgana. They don't know if they should be thankful to Merlin for stopping Morgana or fear him for the very same reason. But any doubts or insecurities that Merlin may have that come from the people's gaze disappears when Arthur twines their fingers together.

Arthur smiles at him, perhaps the most genuine smile he's shown in three years, and pulls him closer to his side, not planning on letting him go any time soon.

One of the knights approaches Morgana cautiously, afraid she might wake up and lash out with furious power, but she lies still. The room breathes a sigh of relief when the knight announces she's dead.


	3. Chapter 3

While the people cheer and celebrate being freed from the threat Morgana posed to them all, Arthur internally cheers for having his friend by his side again. Yet despite all the good that's come, he can see how Merlin's time with Morgana has affected him. Sometimes he spots the sorcerer staring into nothingness and then that blank look will overcome him again and Arthur will have to tread cautiously, because he doesn't know how much power Morgana's influence still holds over him. Eventually, Merlin will come around, with a shy apology and a guilty frown that Arthur kisses away.

Merlin doesn't talk about what happened to him. Not at first. And that's okay because Arthur knows that it's none of his business and if Merlin wants to tell him, he'll do it when he's ready to. But it is concerning, waking up to screams in the night and he desperately wants to know what's going on inside his lover's mind so he can calm him.

By now, Arthur can sense Merlin's embarrassment about his nightmares, so he sends the guards away during the night, despite their, and Merlin's, protests.

A week or so after the two of them reunited, Merlin has a particularly nasty nightmare that Arthur can't wake him up from. Every groan of pain, every choked off scream makes his heart break in his chest and he can't see properly through the wetness blurring his vision.

"Wake up Merlin! It's not real, it's just a dream. I'm right here," he soothes as best he can without touching Merlin. He'd learned the hard way the first time it happened that any physical contact makes Merlin's magic lash out in self-defense.

"No, stop Morgana! Don't-!" Merlin lets out a pained cry and Arthur almost considers calling for the guards, or Gaius, or someone to help him because he doesn't know how much longer he can just sit by and watch him relive this torment.

"You're safe now, love. She can't hurt you anymore! Please, just wake up!" he says, deciding that if he's burned or thrown across the room it doesn't matter, because he needs to wake him up or at least calm him down.

He puts a hand on Merlin's shoulder and feels the power writhing beneath, trying to escape. But it doesn't lash out, not at first. He pulls Merlin into his arms, stroking his hair and whispering nonsense into his ear, just to get him to stop making those horrible sounds.

"Shh, you're okay now. You're okay," he repeats, leaning down and planting a kiss on his forehead.

Merlin's eyes snap open and they're that golden color, his magic prying Arthur away from him and nearly tossing him into the wall. Merlin backs away from Arthur, falling out of the bed in his haste to escape and there's fear shining in his eyes. And it's worse than that blank look because not once has Merlin ever been afraid of Arthur.

"Merlin, it's me. It's Arthur," Arthur says, hands raised to show he means no harm.

"Stay away from me," Merlin warns, magic making things float around in the air everywhere, chaotic as his emotions.

"Please, love, it's just me. I'm not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you,"

"Liar," Merlin hisses. "You hate my kind. All you do is hunt us down when we've done nothing to you. Morgana's right. You don't care about me. And I don't care about you either. I never have. How could I when you're only concerned about yourself?"

Even though Arthur knows it's Morgana's influence talking, the words hurt just the same as if Merlin had stabbed him through the heart. He blinks the tears out of his eyes and tries to get through to him.

"You're wrong. _Morgana_ is wrong. I could never hurt you, Merlin, could never hate you. I love you,"

The overwhelming power that is Merlin's magic lessens. Merlin cocks his head to the side like he doesn't quite understand what Arthur is saying.

"You love me?" he asks warily.

"Yes, of course I do. Who else would I let call me a prat or a dollop head?" he smiles at the nicknames. "Merlin, you're my best friend and my lover, no matter what happens, I will always, _always_ love you,"

Merlin's eyes return to their normal blue color and the random things in the air crash to the ground, making a great mess that Arthur can't even bring himself to care about.

"Arthur, I'm so sorry. I just, I don't know what happened," Merlin stammers. "I'm sorry,"

"It's okay. You're fine now. That's all that matters," Arthur says, finally going over to comfort him. Merlin is shaking, whether it's from getting his magic back under control or from the scale of the nightmare and subsequent episode he just had, Arthur isn't sure, but he rubs circles into Merlin's back and just holds him.

"I'm sorry," Merlin repeats. "I love you too. I didn't mean any of that,"

"I know you didn't," Arthur replies, kissing the top of his head.

Merlin attempts to clean up the objects littering the floor but Arthur insists that they can do it in the morning and helps him back to the bed. He hugs Merlin closer to him and the sorcerer rests his head on Arthur's chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

"You know," Merlin starts, voice rumbling against Arthur's chest. "The first time she tried to get me to betray you, she just talked to me. It was weird. I thought she was all about death and violence,"

"You don't have to talk about this,"

"I know, but I need to tell someone,"

Arthur is silent and Merlin continues. "When she realized that I wouldn't talk, that was when she started torturing me. It was even worse when she used her magic," he laughs at some memory, "it was funny, to see her so confused. She didn't know why I was so resistant to her magic. She didn't know it was because I had magic of my own,"

"How'd she find out?"

"It just, happened, one day. I was weak and my magic was trying to protect me. And that was when she started using that to try and convince me. Told me that we were the same, that if I followed her, I could use my magic without ever fearing execution,"

"I wouldn't have executed you. Even if you told me beforehand,"

"I know," Merlin says, pressing a kiss into Arthur's chest right above his heart.

"I guess," he starts again, "what finally broke me was the dark tower,"

"What?" Arthur sits up, taking Merlin up with him.

"She took me there, I guess as a last resort. I thought I was stronger than that. I thought that I would be able to last until I could find out a way to escape. But the things I saw in the darkness. The things I heard," Merlin shudders at the memory and Arthur hugs him closer.

"Sometimes I thought I saw you. I thought you'd come to rescue me, but it was never you. It was always the ghosts, just my mind playing tricks on me,"

"I'm sorry Merlin, I should have-,"

"Don't. It's not your fault. Uther wouldn't have let you anywhere near the dark tower. Not for a servant," he says. "But after that, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone but her. She was the one who saved me from the things in the dark and I forgot she was the one who put me in there in the first place. I don't remember how long it had been until I saw you again. And it was strange, meeting you again, because the last time I saw you, well, was in the tower. And I couldn't trust you or feel anything but hatred towards you because of her,"

"And then you somehow got through to me. I remember hearing your voice and for once not associating it with darkness and fear. I remembered all the times we would bicker and drive everyone mad with our arguing," Merlin says, smiling at the memories. "And I knew that it was you, the real you who I was always proud to serve and kind of fancied, even if you are a prat,"

"Hey!" Arthur swats Merlin's head playfully. "Remember who you're talking to,"

"Sorry. _Royal_ prat," Merlin laughs.

"Shut up Merlin,"

"Well, prat or not, I'd always hoped you felt the same about me,"

"I guess you were right about something, for once," Arthur says softly. He leans in for a kiss and smiles against Merlin's lips when they pull away. Kissing Merlin is something he will never tire of. "I love you," he murmurs.

"I love you too," Merlin replies, smile reaching all the way to his eyes.

They lie down and Merlin is the first to fall asleep to the rhythm of Arthur's heart. He follows soon after, with his arm wrapped around Merlin protectively. There are significantly less nightmares after that night and a month after Arthur and Merlin were reunited, they stop altogether. There is a perpetual feeling of relief and happiness in the air after the ordeal with Morgana and eventually, after people have gotten used to the idea of their king's lover being a sorcerer, Arthur lifts the ban on magic. And despite Uther's beliefs from long ago, the world itself does not end and life goes on.

The Druids come out of hiding and become some of Camelot's most powerful allies, some of them even becoming close friends of the king. They're the one's present at Arthur and Merlin's wedding ceremony, since Arthur finally got up the courage to ask for Merlin's hand in marriage, much to the former servant's glee. Others fret about the lack of an heir for Arthur, but there are plenty of children who were orphaned at a young age when Morgana attacked the lower towns. Merlin is more than happy to take them in and Arthur enjoys watching him impress their children with butterflies and flowers he conjures from nowhere. For the first time in three years, Arthur could not be happier.

* * *

**So, like I said, sappy and happy ending. I hope you guys liked it, cause I certainly enjoyed writing it. And thank god for spell check, because I typed all of this on WordPad and it doesn't show when you spell something wrong with the red line thingy. Anyways, now that's done, I should probably work on my final which I can turn in if we don't have ANOTHER snow day. Oh well, fanfiction is always more fun to write than analytical essays on poem themes.**


End file.
